Friday, April 27, 2012

Happy Birthday Mickey Mutt

It's Friday, April 27, 2012. Today, I remember my old dog Mickey. My best four legged friend that stuck with me as I was growing up. My little walking buddy, my guardian. I declared this day his birthday the day I got him. I was eight-years-old. I believe it was 1985. My mom had finally given in to my sister and my pleads for a dog- or at least she had given into the fact that we could go look. So I remember very clearly, it was a Saturday and we had to go to Greek dancing class, but afterward our mom had promised us we were going to go look at dogs. After the dance lesson we got in the yellow Omni and drove to the Vancouver SPCA.

There were quite a few mutts in the kennel area. Everyone barking their hello's and begging "please take me!" It was very loud in there. I had my eye on the white Terrier- he was so cute, but my mom said it was too yappy- so we continued down the aisle of homeless K9's desperate for a loving family to take them home. Then we saw Mickey. A three-year-old, medium sized long haired black dog with a Pomeranian tail and a pointy snout. He was sitting ever so quietly in the back corner in the cage. Just watching-not saying Boo. Boy did he know how to set himself apart from the others.
My mom liked him, and we were thrilled. We got him leashed up signed some forms and my mom paid some bail out money and out the door we went- Mickey on the other hand was so happy to be leaving that hole that he left them a poop right inside the entrance before he left the SPCA forever. We hadn't told our dad yet that we were getting a dog. That would be a surprise and it would take several months for him to warm up to Mickey. Being Greek, my dad wasn't a dog guy. In Greece most dogs are wild, homeless and dirty according to my dad. But Mickey managed, eventually to warm him up.
So we got home and we weren't in our fenced in backyard for 10 minutes before Mickey found a hole- and he took off! Oh, I was devastated. Did my new dog not like me? He just got home and now he's running away? Well, we quickly learned to patch up the holes and that Mickey was not very obedient or faithful if given the opportunity to run free- He never learned to walk without a leash-because it was a great game for him to run and be chased. I chased him many times over the years. I remember back in those days, being so young and walking my dog down the sidewalk on King Edward Street, (Vancouver). It is a very busy street. Mickey got free and went flying down the road. He could have run in the road and that would have been it- probably for both of us, but he was smart he went around the loop to the alley way and finally I caught him again. Nowadays you would never let your eight or nine year-old child go walking with the dog on their own in Vancouver- I wouldn`t even let my girl go by herself in my small town now, but hey, it was the 80`s. Times were a bit different.
So fast forward 7-13 years.... My sister, mom, and I moved to the East Coast. Of coarse Mickey came too plus our other dog Blue and our two cats, Paula and Snowflake. We left my dad behind, but clearly that is another story.... Mickey stuck with me until I finished high school and I had decided to move back to Vancouver. I remember when I moved it was almost hardest for me to leave my little Mickey than anyone else. I left him with my mom and I told him I would be back and to wait for me.
I was away for almost two years, by this point he was 16 years old and I was 20ish. He had greyed a great deal but was still a great little protector and was full of spunk. He was a little fighter. Eventually his fight came to an end though when I found out that he had a tumor in his stomach. He only lived six months after that. The year was 1998. At 17 years of age my little guy took his last breath-in my arms. I remember the day perfectly. I knew it was the end. I was very worried, but I would`nt let him see that. I held him and talked to him and said prayers for him. I told him how much I loved him my whole life. My little Mickey.... I buried him in my mom`s back yard with the `Bleeding Hearts` and `Sweet Williams`.

I ended up getting a new puppy again in 2001, after moving to Ontario. Now Finnegan is 11-years-old. My Beagle cross, is a very nice dog- always been my faithful companion. My little walking partner and never would he refuse a walk with me. I love my dog as I loved Mickey. Those two boys actually hold some very similar traits. So today as I took Finn out I thought of Mickey and gave Finnegan some good hugs for Mickey. He was one of my first responsibilities and I learned so much from him. I hope my mom knew how much I loved my dog. So glad she let me get him.

Sunday, April 22, 2012

My Very Literal Message to the Universe!

Here is a heart- not any old heart , but a special, talented, beautiful, creative, kind, loving, dedicated, soulful, funny, REAL-and full of fire- not to be messed with, kind of heart ! that's who she is--- this is for you-- and for the fire that will help send you forward, right!

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Four Months In....

It really has been a few months since I last posted here.  I hadn 't written enough posts to get into the habit of it with my 'Confessions of an Only Parent'. These things happen. It's like anything; and it takes at least a few weeks to make a routine of anything- whether it's exercise, eating healthy, starting a new job, being comfortable in a relationship-or in my case writing here.
-Oh wait- I had probably been trying to get a good routine going of all of those things- so I was too busy to write. But that's OK cause I'm back! You knew I would be. For example: Just when I had the routine down of actually having someone in my life and really looking forward to where things might go with us- it ended. Yep, that's right, the sweet guy who came in to visit me for coffee at work? The sweet dark haired guitar playing Irish man who was just about as perfect as I could imagine for myself- yeah! Him. The guy who already has kids and doesn't want any more-so took care of it (which I thought was perfect). Him. Just ended it with me- needs to see who else is out there before he can be willing or able to commit. I guess he got freaked out. I was taking it so slow too- I knew he wasn't in a rush, and neither was I, but maybe I was too gentle.
I thought things were going well. But, I guess he wasn't trying to go anywhere at all with it. Thought I was looking for more than I was? Didn't want to commit? Well, whatever it was, it REALLY hurt!  I have been in quite a state for the past 7 days. So, I've decided to write.
The best thing you can do when you have a broken heart is create. All of the best songwriters and artists do come up with their best work when they are in a state of sadness. So instead of begging for him to realize he probably wasn't thinking clearly- I just have to let him go. There have been so many thoughts going through my head over the past week. I've thought of moving, getting a new job, jumping in front of a moving vehicle, and drinking myself to the point of passing out. I have exercised more and given myself a mini detox- which was good. I may have lost about five pounds- I feel alright, but I am still very sad.

You see, he was beginning to be the break in my daily routine. We were making time for each other. He was a man who wasn't afraid to come over and visit me when I was just hanging out at home with my girl. I was starting to feel very comfortable having good conversation with him and just being myself- or listening to him, as he had a lot to say as well. Someone I was feeling very safe with that I didn't think would pull the rug out from under me. I could see us becoming really close. Was I dreaming? Did I paint a picture of him in my mind that wasn't even reality? Perhaps. Although, I think his feelings changed quickly in the past few weeks-I've heard all this before.
So it's easier than I thought to just ignore my aching heart and keep going. But, it does make for a lot of silence. Silence is good though. It is healing and I am going to take this time to understand and not hate on myself too much- but to better myself. I realize I still have a few things to work on and so now that I have a little more time again that is what I am going to do. Just work on myself.

It's harder to put yourself first when you have children. I almost forget how. So, that is my next step. With this empty heart of mine- I am plunging forward and looking after my home, my responsibilities, and my daughter- and Me- that is Me. Like me or not. Pretty simple really, but I will survive. I've got it in me. He is right, "there is an ocean of people to meet out there" and I'm sure I won't be lonely forever. I wanted him- and still do, but truthfully he is not ready for me. That's all. I guess this is a perfect feeling to go into the Spring with.   I have plenty of catching up to do here and I will be updating all of my lists soon.