My life really isn't that dramatic. I should say I don't try to attract myself to drama, and when I do, it's usually a different kind than others look for. I don't freak out much, I can handle tons and I am pretty easy to get along with. But, it finds me every once in a while when the planets are aligned in that intense trine and tries to shake things up for me a bit. I remember sitting with my coffee one morning before Emily woke up, not too long ago, thinking, "things have been going pretty smoothly for me for a bit- haven't had anything really great or really bad happen in a while.....something is surely going to give soon....." anyway, I think it was a quick and random thought- there one second and gone the next. Sometimes those are the thoughts / premonitions that can be the most correct. When you don't even think about it.
As my subconscious predicted, circumstances turned at some point by the end of March or the second week in April. It was a slow cycle where my whole life basically purged on me. And I was left to pick up the material and emotional pieces. I just have one thing to say about what I still have- Is I'm so grateful to have my daughter's and my health-really because we are so strong and healthy that we can deal with the loss of a car. I will briefly mention, two weeks ago someone lit my car on fire in the middle of the night. After my message to the universe, which is posted in this blog. It was totaled. What a powerful act.
The loss of my friend was the hardest to accept because that was an emotional connection and it was very hard to let go of. But, clearly we both had several things coming up that we needed to gather ourselves to take care of our families. Oh and my dog had gotten ill. I now have the perfect ingredients to write a good country tune. But really, when I think I can't possibly deal with more shit, the Universe always takes me further and says, "Oh yes my dear, this is happening so buckle your seat belt- cause it's not over yet!" It's a blessing for sure- in disguise. It's also nothing like what I dealt with in 2008 when we actually had to deal with the death of my mom and Emily's dad in a seven month period. The crap that I have had to deal with lately, woke me up again. My winter hibernation was nice and relaxing. Very mellow. It was nice to have a little company - something I told myself I was not going to do- get into a relationship over the winter months- but it was nice. There is a lesson to be learned in this and I'm going to figure out the puzzle- once it's said and done. I guess that is the mystery in it. The time it all takes to unravel and show me what will be going on next- where the pieces are going to land. I know it will be fine though.
My dog is getting better. I think I have found a car, and as far as the guy who recently broke my heart goes- well, we'll be friends again. Even though I could just turn my shoulder and move on, I won't. I'm too nice and caring. I will always have a place in my heart for him. Even though he is incapable of emotion at this point in his life, I will not let it affect the fact that I can say, "yes, I really care about you." I have been through the steps. I have experienced everything I need and I have forgiven everyone I need to for my new beginning. My new beginnings are on their way. Onward and upward I go and someday Love will find me. Until then I will be happy with who I am and how I live.